1 00:01:30,292 --> 00:01:31,697 You know Chef, Forty five minutes. 2 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,079 That is where I want to start today. 3 00:01:33,404 --> 00:01:37,432 Yesterday I spent forty five minutes re reading a two line email before I sent it. 4 00:01:37,641 --> 00:01:38,303 Two lines. 5 00:01:38,512 --> 00:01:40,973 To a producer I have worked with for three years. 6 00:01:40,958 --> 00:01:43,678 And what were you checking, in those forty five minutes? 7 00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:44,329 That is the thing. 8 00:01:44,352 --> 00:01:45,965 I was not checking whether it was clear. 9 00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:47,939 I was checking whether it sounded curt. 10 00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,558 And when you finally sent it? 11 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:50,970 Fine for about ten minutes. 12 00:01:51,295 --> 00:01:53,489 Then I opened my sent folder and read it again. 13 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:54,620 And did she reply? 14 00:01:54,625 --> 00:01:55,345 Not that day. 15 00:01:55,496 --> 00:01:57,307 Which I took extremely well, obviously. 16 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,895 By nine that evening I had established that she was annoyed with me, 17 00:02:01,023 --> 00:02:04,529 that I had overstepped, and that the whole working relationship was on slightly 18 00:02:04,587 --> 00:02:06,282 thinner ice than I had realised. 19 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,412 From silence. 20 00:02:07,417 --> 00:02:08,439 From silence. 21 00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:12,138 So the email itself took, what, thirty seconds to write. 22 00:02:12,318 --> 00:02:16,618 And the other forty four and a half minutes went somewhere else entirely. 23 00:02:16,898 --> 00:02:19,498 And then the evening went the same way. 24 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:19,744 Oh. 25 00:02:19,779 --> 00:02:20,057 Yes. 26 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,126 Where did they go, Chef? 27 00:02:21,125 --> 00:02:24,485 That is more or less the question Live Lightly opens with. 28 00:02:24,665 --> 00:02:28,005 Because you did not have a difficult day yesterday. 29 00:02:28,205 --> 00:02:33,925 You had an ordinary one, with a great deal of commentary layered on top of it. 30 00:02:34,045 --> 00:02:36,805 There is a clinical term for the commentary. 31 00:02:37,085 --> 00:02:39,605 Perseverative cognition. 32 00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:46,725 Continuous, repetitive thinking about a worry long after any actual threat has 33 00:02:46,805 --> 00:02:47,445 passed. 34 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,608 Perseverative cognition. 35 00:02:48,631 --> 00:02:51,824 That sounds very official for what was basically me torturing myself over 36 00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:52,799 punctuation. 37 00:02:52,792 --> 00:02:57,912 It sounds official because it has measurable physiological consequences. 38 00:02:58,088 --> 00:03:03,912 When you loop like that, the body stays in a low grade state of emergency. 39 00:03:04,104 --> 00:03:06,272 Cortisol elevated. 40 00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,152 Inflammation simmering. 41 00:03:08,312 --> 00:03:11,032 Sleep and focus degrading. 42 00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:15,912 Your body cannot tell that the emergency is a two line email. 43 00:03:15,917 --> 00:03:18,703 So my nervous system genuinely thought something was at stake. 44 00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:24,788 Your mind is a smoke alarm that cannot tell the difference between burnt toast and a 45 00:03:24,841 --> 00:03:25,508 house fire. 46 00:03:25,775 --> 00:03:29,068 It treats everything as significant. 47 00:03:29,178 --> 00:03:31,828 And this is the central claim of the book. 48 00:03:32,068 --> 00:03:37,668 On an ordinary Tuesday, most of the weight you carry was not delivered by your 49 00:03:37,731 --> 00:03:38,788 circumstances. 50 00:03:38,921 --> 00:03:43,668 It was manufactured by your mind's relationship with your circumstances. 51 00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:44,991 Manufactured by my own mind. 52 00:03:45,049 --> 00:03:46,686 Not my schedule, not my workload. 53 00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:49,067 Not on an ordinary day, no. 54 00:03:49,267 --> 00:03:54,187 The event, sending a brief email, is entirely manageable. 55 00:03:54,534 --> 00:04:00,507 It is the verdicts and the scenarios stacked on top of the event that leave you 56 00:04:00,571 --> 00:04:02,187 exhausted by the evening. 57 00:04:02,167 --> 00:04:05,940 And you say in the book that seeing the interpretation clearly is itself the change. 58 00:04:06,184 --> 00:04:08,157 What does that actually mean in practice? 59 00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:12,887 If the weight came from your circumstances, you would have to change significant 60 00:04:12,947 --> 00:04:18,887 aspects of your life to set it down, which is slow and often challenging. 61 00:04:19,187 --> 00:04:25,767 But if the weight comes from interpretation, then seeing the story as a story, 62 00:04:25,794 --> 00:04:28,727 in the moment it is happening, is the shift. 63 00:04:28,987 --> 00:04:33,207 You do not need a ten step technique afterwards. 64 00:04:33,347 --> 00:04:35,927 The seeing is the change. 65 00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:36,668 Okay. 66 00:04:36,784 --> 00:04:41,010 So in Part One you take this mental weight apart into five specific sources. 67 00:04:41,335 --> 00:04:45,155 And reading through them I felt personally targeted by almost every single one. 68 00:04:45,758 --> 00:04:49,567 Let us start with the subtitles, because subtitles is, er, definitely my middle 69 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:50,043 name. 70 00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:52,762 Then let us go back to your producer. 71 00:04:53,042 --> 00:05:00,042 The fact was one email, unsent, for forty five minutes and then 72 00:05:00,282 --> 00:05:04,522 a whole evening spent reading meaning into a silence. 73 00:05:04,730 --> 00:05:06,202 That is all. 74 00:05:06,362 --> 00:05:09,482 But your mind was not looking at the fact. 75 00:05:09,695 --> 00:05:12,602 It was adding subtitles underneath it. 76 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,002 This will read as short with her. 77 00:05:15,202 --> 00:05:17,482 She will think I am annoyed. 78 00:05:17,622 --> 00:05:22,682 And the body responds to the subtitles as though they had already been confirmed. 79 00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:25,268 And I never once considered that she might just be busy. 80 00:05:25,872 --> 00:05:29,215 Which is exactly what happens in that story about Sarah, is it not? 81 00:05:29,208 --> 00:05:31,088 Sarah and her partner. 82 00:05:31,238 --> 00:05:35,128 His plane landed and he forgot to text for twenty minutes. 83 00:05:35,448 --> 00:05:39,208 By the time he called, they were in a serious argument. 84 00:05:39,501 --> 00:05:42,488 He thought they were arguing about an airport text. 85 00:05:42,688 --> 00:05:46,728 Sarah was responding to something thirty years older than that. 86 00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:51,208 Her father had a pattern of small, repeated absences. 87 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,528 School plays he did not come to. 88 00:05:53,688 --> 00:05:55,848 Birthdays half remembered. 89 00:05:56,048 --> 00:05:58,648 Arranged pick ups that did not happen. 90 00:05:58,848 --> 00:06:01,768 And a child makes sense of that somehow. 91 00:06:02,008 --> 00:06:06,648 The sense she made of it was: I am not important enough to remember. 92 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,558 A thirty year old bruise, pressed by a twenty minute delay. 93 00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:13,401 And that phrase in the book, that the past has poor admin skills. 94 00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:14,217 It really does. 95 00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:17,257 It keeps old files in the current tray. 96 00:06:17,497 --> 00:06:19,497 And then there are the rules. 97 00:06:19,801 --> 00:06:22,137 Rest is lazy. 98 00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:24,537 Do not make a fuss. 99 00:06:25,137 --> 00:06:30,457 A child absorbs do not make a fuss as protection, and it works. 100 00:06:30,737 --> 00:06:36,617 Decades later the protection has quietly become confinement, 101 00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,857 but it does not feel like a rule any more. 102 00:06:39,097 --> 00:06:41,537 It feels like morality. 103 00:06:41,710 --> 00:06:43,977 It feels like personality. 104 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:48,617 People say, well, that is just how I am. 105 00:06:48,917 --> 00:06:50,054 And then there is Helen. 106 00:06:50,229 --> 00:06:52,957 Helen lying awake before a routine performance review. 107 00:06:53,236 --> 00:06:56,533 That one made my stomach drop, because I have done exactly that. 108 00:06:56,542 --> 00:07:00,942 Helen lived through several professional disasters before breakfast. 109 00:07:01,242 --> 00:07:06,942 She rehearsed defensive answers, imagined the facial expressions, 110 00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:11,502 revised her explanations and rejected them. 111 00:07:11,802 --> 00:07:17,182 The actual review took twenty minutes and was entirely ordinary. 112 00:07:17,442 --> 00:07:23,502 Her manager thanked her for her good work, mentioned a few areas for development, 113 00:07:23,622 --> 00:07:27,022 and discussed next quarter's priorities. 114 00:07:27,342 --> 00:07:34,142 All of that suffering had been generated by an event that did not yet exist. 115 00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:36,325 But her body did not know it was imaginary. 116 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:36,973 Not at all. 117 00:07:37,181 --> 00:07:38,893 Real adrenaline. 118 00:07:39,053 --> 00:07:40,853 Real cortisol. 119 00:07:40,957 --> 00:07:42,173 Real exhaustion. 120 00:07:42,453 --> 00:07:45,533 The calendar says next Thursday. 121 00:07:45,753 --> 00:07:48,733 The nervous system says now. 122 00:07:49,053 --> 00:07:52,253 It is fear with a calendar attached. 123 00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:55,013 So underneath all five of these, the verdicts, the subtitles, 124 00:07:55,037 --> 00:07:59,031 the rules, the past, the invented future, there is really one engine driving it. 125 00:07:59,042 --> 00:08:00,242 There is. 126 00:08:00,370 --> 00:08:01,522 Fear. 127 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:05,442 Not the dramatic kind that makes you run from a burning building. 128 00:08:05,642 --> 00:08:12,322 The quiet, persistent kind that hums under your decisions, so constant you 129 00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,002 barely notice it is there. 130 00:08:14,382 --> 00:08:20,242 And most approaches treat fear as a solid wall you have to break through with 131 00:08:20,306 --> 00:08:21,042 willpower. 132 00:08:21,342 --> 00:08:24,402 But projected fear is not a wall. 133 00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:26,082 It is a construction. 134 00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,882 It is a chain of variables. 135 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,127 This is the part at the end of Part One that I loved. 136 00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:35,330 Break down David's budget panic for us, because six separate things had to go wrong. 137 00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:38,053 David was afraid of approving the wrong budget. 138 00:08:38,353 --> 00:08:44,853 For his prediction to arrive exactly as he imagined it, six things had to be true at 139 00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:45,493 once. 140 00:08:45,753 --> 00:08:47,733 The project had to fail. 141 00:08:48,013 --> 00:08:52,933 The failure had to be traced specifically to his decision. 142 00:08:53,253 --> 00:08:58,213 His colleagues had to blame him personally rather than the circumstances. 143 00:08:58,485 --> 00:09:01,973 That blame had to damage his reputation. 144 00:09:02,293 --> 00:09:05,093 The damage had to be lasting. 145 00:09:05,413 --> 00:09:11,173 And there had to be no opportunity anywhere along the way to correct or 146 00:09:11,263 --> 00:09:12,733 recover. 147 00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:14,453 Six links. 148 00:09:14,613 --> 00:09:17,613 Every one of them uncertain. 149 00:09:17,783 --> 00:09:22,373 And all six had to break in exactly the wrong direction. 150 00:09:22,375 --> 00:09:24,685 And if one link goes, the whole thing collapses. 151 00:09:24,894 --> 00:09:27,158 Like Claire and the thirty minutes of cartoons. 152 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:31,887 Claire's chain collapses at the very first link, and I will leave that one for 153 00:09:31,937 --> 00:09:33,727 readers to take apart themselves. 154 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,407 It is worth doing. 155 00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:37,310 Okay, Chef, can we, can we audit one of mine? 156 00:09:37,426 --> 00:09:37,937 Live? 157 00:09:38,262 --> 00:09:41,269 Because I have to pitch a new segment tomorrow, and my brain has me freezing, 158 00:09:41,513 --> 00:09:44,949 looking incompetent, getting dropped by the network and moving onto my sister's 159 00:09:44,973 --> 00:09:45,588 sofa. 160 00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:46,463 Let us look at it. 161 00:09:46,703 --> 00:09:49,503 Link one, you freeze. 162 00:09:49,627 --> 00:09:50,703 Possible. 163 00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:53,263 You have hosted hundreds of these. 164 00:09:53,471 --> 00:09:59,583 Link two, one pause convinces the room you are incompetent. 165 00:09:59,727 --> 00:10:04,863 Link three, a contract is cancelled over a single pitch meeting. 166 00:10:05,119 --> 00:10:10,543 Link four, no other project ever hires you again. 167 00:10:10,687 --> 00:10:14,703 Link five, your savings vanish. 168 00:10:14,916 --> 00:10:17,103 Do you see what the mind has done? 169 00:10:17,343 --> 00:10:21,103 It has presented a chain of maybes as a certainty. 170 00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:25,275 Oh, that is, when you say them out loud one at a time it goes from panic to almost 171 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:25,797 funny. 172 00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:27,562 I am not up against a wall. 173 00:10:27,736 --> 00:10:29,489 I am reading a bad screenplay. 174 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:32,008 Which brings us to Part Two, and the ARIA Compass. 175 00:10:32,252 --> 00:10:34,725 Authenticity, Resonance, Insight, Awareness. 176 00:10:35,329 --> 00:10:37,999 And I have to say, Chef, I am obviously a huge fan of the name. 177 00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:40,139 It was named with you in mind, Aria . 178 00:10:41,539 --> 00:10:46,319 But remember, it is a compass, not a rigid four step system. 179 00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:48,319 There is no step one. 180 00:10:49,199 --> 00:10:53,559 It is four cardinal points, and when you are stuck or spinning, 181 00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:57,420 usually one of them is enough to give you direction. 182 00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:00,739 Let us take Authenticity, and what you call the mirage of the outcome. 183 00:11:01,064 --> 00:11:04,001 Because Arun turning down that deal stayed with me for days. 184 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:09,040 Arun was offered something that by every conventional measure was excellent. 185 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:10,240 More money. 186 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:11,680 Greater influence. 187 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:16,880 A faster route to the independence he had been working towards for a decade. 188 00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:19,840 His accountant thought he was mad. 189 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:23,120 His wife was not sure what to make of it. 190 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:29,120 But he kept thinking, if I sign this, I have to become someone who is comfortable 191 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,800 with corners being cut. 192 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,400 And he was not. 193 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,400 So he said no. 194 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,920 And what struck him afterwards was not the loss. 195 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,480 It was the absence of regret. 196 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:44,080 He kept waiting for it to arrive, and it never did. 197 00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:45,847 Because he was not chasing a mirage. 198 00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:49,593 A mirage is what travellers see when they are thirsty enough. 199 00:11:50,073 --> 00:11:55,513 A shimmer that looks like water, and recedes as they walk towards it. 200 00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:58,793 Outcomes behave the same way. 201 00:11:58,933 --> 00:12:01,753 The promotion becomes the next promotion. 202 00:12:01,953 --> 00:12:05,833 The income bracket becomes the next income bracket. 203 00:12:05,977 --> 00:12:10,393 Meanwhile, your values were in your pocket the whole time. 204 00:12:10,593 --> 00:12:12,233 Solid. 205 00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:12,953 Available. 206 00:12:13,209 --> 00:12:18,873 That is why authenticity is light and outcome chasing is heavy. 207 00:12:19,153 --> 00:12:22,713 You never had to chase the thing you were already carrying. 208 00:12:22,958 --> 00:12:25,652 All right, but Arun had months to think about that deal. 209 00:12:25,861 --> 00:12:28,543 What does this look like for someone who has to decide something on a Tuesday 210 00:12:28,589 --> 00:12:29,228 afternoon? 211 00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:32,728 One question, before any decision of significance. 212 00:12:32,988 --> 00:12:38,728 Are my values guiding me, or am I being swept away by the smell of success? 213 00:12:39,108 --> 00:12:44,488 And Arun, for all the weight everyone else attached to that deal, 214 00:12:44,584 --> 00:12:47,208 took about fifteen seconds to answer it. 215 00:12:47,568 --> 00:12:51,088 The hard part was never the question. 216 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:55,528 The hard part was being brave enough to listen to the answer. 217 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:58,631 Now, you left Sarah in the middle of an argument, and I want to know what happened 218 00:12:58,654 --> 00:12:59,049 to her. 219 00:12:59,258 --> 00:13:01,243 Because the wound is still there, presumably. 220 00:13:01,266 --> 00:13:02,648 You cannot undo a childhood. 221 00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:07,547 You cannot, and that is what the second point of the compass is for. 222 00:13:07,707 --> 00:13:08,667 Resonance. 223 00:13:09,147 --> 00:13:12,427 A few months later, Sarah came in with a story. 224 00:13:12,787 --> 00:13:13,868 A Sunday morning. 225 00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:19,307 She had made breakfast, bought the good coffee, put a small posy of flowers on the 226 00:13:19,387 --> 00:13:24,187 table, because it was a year to the day since her grandmother had died. 227 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:28,187 She had told her partner about the date earlier in the week. 228 00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:29,507 Twice. 229 00:13:29,654 --> 00:13:35,707 He came down, kissed the top of her head, sat down, and started reading the news on 230 00:13:35,747 --> 00:13:36,427 his phone. 231 00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:36,800 Oh no. 232 00:13:36,835 --> 00:13:37,532 Here we go. 233 00:13:37,542 --> 00:13:38,742 The surge began. 234 00:13:38,942 --> 00:13:40,742 The chest tightening. 235 00:13:40,902 --> 00:13:43,222 The thought arriving fully formed. 236 00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:45,702 He has forgotten. 237 00:13:45,862 --> 00:13:48,822 Nothing I tell him actually lands. 238 00:13:49,102 --> 00:13:51,622 And this time she caught it. 239 00:13:51,842 --> 00:13:58,262 She thought, that is me being seven, waiting for my dad to remember the school play. 240 00:13:58,502 --> 00:13:59,782 She named it. 241 00:13:59,982 --> 00:14:01,462 She breathed. 242 00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:05,382 And in that breath there was room for something else. 243 00:14:05,542 --> 00:14:06,610 So what did she do? 244 00:14:06,625 --> 00:14:07,665 She did not snap. 245 00:14:07,865 --> 00:14:11,185 She said, are you remembering what today is? 246 00:14:11,405 --> 00:14:12,785 And he looked up. 247 00:14:12,945 --> 00:14:14,865 Looked at the flowers. 248 00:14:14,945 --> 00:14:16,065 Looked at her. 249 00:14:16,145 --> 00:14:18,945 And said, oh, Sarah, yes. 250 00:14:19,145 --> 00:14:20,705 I was just about to ask. 251 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:21,985 I am sorry. 252 00:14:22,257 --> 00:14:26,145 Five years earlier that would have been an argument. 253 00:14:26,345 --> 00:14:31,905 Two years earlier she would have absorbed it as fresh proof that she did not matter. 254 00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:35,505 That morning it became a small repair. 255 00:14:35,772 --> 00:14:39,905 He asked her about the day, listened, and put the phone away. 256 00:14:39,917 --> 00:14:40,846 And the wound? 257 00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:41,473 Still there. 258 00:14:41,766 --> 00:14:43,153 It always will be. 259 00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:48,513 But the wound and the morning were no longer the same conversation. 260 00:14:48,917 --> 00:14:51,866 Chef, I want to push on something, because I can hear a listener bristling. 261 00:14:52,109 --> 00:14:55,302 Is there not a version of this that sounds like telling people their feelings are 262 00:14:55,337 --> 00:14:55,917 not real? 263 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,226 That the hurt is all just faulty interpretation? 264 00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:02,808 That is a fair challenge, and I want to be clear about it. 265 00:15:03,181 --> 00:15:05,528 Emotions are information. 266 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:11,768 They tell you something true about your experience, even when the story arriving 267 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,288 with them is distorted. 268 00:15:13,541 --> 00:15:16,168 Sarah's hurt was real. 269 00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:19,608 Her father's absences were real. 270 00:15:19,768 --> 00:15:25,048 Nothing in the book asks anyone to suppress what they feel, 271 00:15:25,155 --> 00:15:27,528 or to second guess every reaction. 272 00:15:27,696 --> 00:15:30,968 Sometimes anger is justified. 273 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,968 Sometimes the hurt is exactly proportionate. 274 00:15:34,958 --> 00:15:36,502 And when it is more than a Sunday morning? 275 00:15:36,525 --> 00:15:37,884 When it is heavier than that? 276 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:43,715 Then a book is not the right instrument, and I say so plainly in the text. 277 00:15:44,035 --> 00:15:50,915 Trauma, grief, depression, the long shadow of relationships that should never have 278 00:15:50,947 --> 00:15:52,435 been navigated alone. 279 00:15:52,608 --> 00:15:58,195 Those need time, tenderness, and very often professional support. 280 00:15:58,365 --> 00:16:02,275 Nothing in these pages is a substitute for that. 281 00:16:02,424 --> 00:16:08,115 Recognising when you need help is one of the most aware things a person can do. 282 00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:11,715 The compass will still be there afterwards. 283 00:16:11,708 --> 00:16:13,694 That is the sentence I want people to hear. 284 00:16:13,937 --> 00:16:17,548 So, for someone listening on an ordinary Tuesday, in an ordinary week. 285 00:16:17,571 --> 00:16:20,068 This is not about arranging a life where nothing goes wrong, 286 00:16:20,102 --> 00:16:20,718 is it? 287 00:16:20,708 --> 00:16:22,108 Not remotely. 288 00:16:22,255 --> 00:16:26,389 It means having the conversation without rehearsing it for a week. 289 00:16:26,582 --> 00:16:31,188 Making the decision without running forty seven scenarios. 290 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:34,548 Letting small things stay small. 291 00:16:34,808 --> 00:16:38,388 And this is where the chef comes in, if you will allow me. 292 00:16:38,948 --> 00:16:41,668 A chef does not control the ingredients. 293 00:16:41,812 --> 00:16:46,548 They do not choose what the season delivers, or what arrives at the kitchen door 294 00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:47,348 that morning. 295 00:16:47,604 --> 00:16:50,948 Some days the ingredients are beautiful. 296 00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:55,268 Some days they are bruised and not what was ordered. 297 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:56,318 And that is life. 298 00:16:56,333 --> 00:16:57,653 That is life. 299 00:16:57,803 --> 00:17:03,213 You do not choose the family you are born into, or the diagnosis you receive, 300 00:17:03,266 --> 00:17:06,893 or the relationship that ends when you were not expecting it. 301 00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:09,534 You do not control the ingredients. 302 00:17:09,793 --> 00:17:13,533 But you absolutely choose what you do with them. 303 00:17:13,893 --> 00:17:20,013 And it does not take discipline, or willpower, or one more thing added to the load. 304 00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:23,053 It takes the habit of noticing. 305 00:17:23,393 --> 00:17:28,573 One second of noticing can change the next hour of your life. 306 00:17:28,583 --> 00:17:29,349 One second. 307 00:17:29,558 --> 00:17:32,472 Chef, before you go, I have to say something, because I have been sitting on it for 308 00:17:32,507 --> 00:17:33,471 about ten minutes. 309 00:17:33,796 --> 00:17:36,280 We have used only two points of a four point compass. 310 00:17:36,606 --> 00:17:40,599 We have not touched Insight and Awareness, we named them and then walked straight 311 00:17:40,646 --> 00:17:41,400 past them. 312 00:17:41,417 --> 00:17:42,697 We did. 313 00:17:42,708 --> 00:17:45,610 And there is a whole chapter in this book about what is actually happening in the 314 00:17:45,645 --> 00:17:47,712 brain while all of this is going on. 315 00:17:47,921 --> 00:17:49,094 Three neural networks. 316 00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:50,649 You call them the Vital Triad. 317 00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:52,043 We have not been near it. 318 00:17:52,042 --> 00:17:52,802 No. 319 00:17:52,912 --> 00:17:57,322 And I am not going to be drawn on it today, because it deserves better than eight 320 00:17:57,382 --> 00:17:59,322 minutes at the end of a conversation. 321 00:17:59,695 --> 00:18:03,002 It is the chapter where the neuroscience sits. 322 00:18:03,162 --> 00:18:09,002 Why fear and curiosity cannot occupy the same nervous system at once. 323 00:18:09,302 --> 00:18:13,882 Why this is a health matter and not a lifestyle preference. 324 00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,640 You are really not going to tell me. 325 00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:19,945 It is all in chapter ten and it is not going anywhere. 326 00:18:19,958 --> 00:18:22,106 That is infuriating and I respect it. 327 00:18:22,431 --> 00:18:26,227 There is also, I should say, an entire third part of this book we have not touched. 328 00:18:26,402 --> 00:18:28,271 What changes first, and in what order. 329 00:18:28,596 --> 00:18:31,940 What to do when the old weight comes back, because apparently it does. 330 00:18:31,958 --> 00:18:32,998 It always does. 331 00:18:33,222 --> 00:18:36,918 That is the chapter most people tell me they needed. 332 00:18:36,917 --> 00:18:37,370 Right. 333 00:18:37,544 --> 00:18:38,752 The book is Live Lightly. 334 00:18:38,926 --> 00:18:39,924 Outsmart Fear. 335 00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:41,155 Decide Faster. 336 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:41,944 Win More. 337 00:18:42,270 --> 00:18:45,730 It is out now in paperback and on Kindle, and there is a great deal in it we have 338 00:18:45,764 --> 00:18:47,030 not gone anywhere near today. 339 00:18:47,355 --> 00:18:49,514 Everything is at theexistentialchef dot com. 340 00:18:49,723 --> 00:18:50,942 Chef, thank you. 341 00:18:50,958 --> 00:18:51,838 Thank you, Aria. 342 00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:52,112 Right. 343 00:18:52,146 --> 00:18:54,526 I am going to go and turn my smoke alarm down a setting.